if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
