omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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