I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
