Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
