video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
