Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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