I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
