Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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