Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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