This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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