508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think my moral compass just broke
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize