you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize