mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
