Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize