Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
