She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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