K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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