And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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