i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
