; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
