This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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