My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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