Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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