Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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