Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
