Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
