1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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