You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
