Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
