4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
