Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
