I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
