yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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