I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
