I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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