so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
