I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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