my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
