I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
