"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
