In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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