dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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