In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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