seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
