Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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