john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
