She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
