That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
