U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
