i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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