I have demons in me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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