Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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