3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
