I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
