The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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