if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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