I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
