i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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