Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
